Lowest point of my life.

For someone I liked, *past tense* from today onwards :

I swear i'm at the lowest point of my fucking life. o__o

Everything started from last night.

“ Why can't you stand in my shoes and think about how I feel? Why do you want to side to your friends? My attiude is bad, you told me. But have you thought about these :

• Was my attitude like that in the first place, before yesterday?
• Why did my attitude became like this?

I know i'm just a friend to you, or who knows, maybe even less. But why can't you show alittle bit more of concern to me, even thou' i'm just your friend. Is it too much? Stand in my shoes and think about this.

Your friends pranked me. Many times, but never was there even once that you take the initiative to text me, saying something that goes : Hey. Sorry. My friends did that just now. No, never, i had to text back, saying : Is that your friend? And your answer would always be yes. Why, can't you just stop your friends from doing so? Why can't you even tell me what had happened? Why is it always me the one who must text you first, asking about what happened. And all I get in return? A flat and cold yes, no, or this face (o.o) .

Maybe you think that I know and understand what happened. :/

But no, I really don't. I'm just a girl. A typical one, who wants your fucking care and concern.

And when I finally couldn't take it anymore, complained and whined to you, the only sentence I wanna hear is this : Look, everything's gonna be alright. Not, relax, chill, or whatsoever. And the last thing I wanna hear, came out of your mouth :

Can you stop showing me this attitude?

WHY. IS. IT. LIKE. THAT. :/

I know maybe i was overboard to scold your friend that pranked me. But do you know that you're the first, i swear, in my entire life, saying this to me? Do you know it makes me feel so bad about myself and to you too? Do you know that I was moodless the whole day, I can't concentrate on whatever I'm doing. Be it, revising or doing homework. Do you know how empty my heart felt after hearing that? DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW I FUCKING FEEL BEFORE COMMENTING ABOUT MY PERSONALITY/CHARACTER?

I swear I was never like that to my friends. You took me for granted. I didn't. I'm not pushing all the blame to you. I just wanna blog out how I feel before I can't take it anymore. I don't expect you to change. I don't expect you to text me again, and vice versa. I don't expect you to apologise.

Everything would be my fault. I give up. My heart is dead. ”

That's all I wanna say. Maybe I'm taking things too seriously, maybe i'm being too sensitive. Hah. But who even gives me a damn about me?The old me is gone. Gone forever.

And for all you know, I know you don't even *like* me back. My wishful thinking. How naive was I, thinking that I might be yours, someday. I WAS a naive girl, not anymore.

* Currently I'm in the off mode. I won't talk to anyone, unnecessary. *

Maybe not. Why for a fucking bastard? Hah.